Thursday, July 30, 2020

The Banana Boat Horror

Banana Boat. The term evokes images of historic tropical transport boats and a sunscreen brand that has a history of giving people chemical burns. While lounging at the beach this afternoon, sipping a few locally brewed beers, we got the notion that doing one of those touristy "banana boat" rides might be fun for the kids. These sort of rides involve a large, inflatable, banana-looking catamaran being pulled by a jet ski for about 10 minutes. Sounds fun, right? I guess it is, if being whipped around on a bunch of rough waves is your thing.

We all waded out to this plastic monstrosity that looked more like an inflatable hotdog pontoon than a banana pontoon. And it's some guys job to push everyone up onto it, including me who has gotten way too chubby due to this COVID-19 quarantine thing. And, soon, we were off and crashing through the waves and the wake of the jet ski. Meanwhile, the ball of my femur is digging into my acetabulum because of the way I was forced to sit. So, I'm in pain, the girlfriend is in pain, one of the kids is terrified, my daughter is struggling to keep her bathing suit on and the last kiddo is urging the jet ski pilot on. By the time we had turned around, so much salt water had gotten into my eyes that I couldn't see anything which was probably for the best.

Seriously, though, the banana boat people were super nice and cool and I'm ultimately glad that we took the ride. I just never want to do it again.

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