Wednesday, May 20, 2020

Colorado Christian University Calls Otto

Colorado Christian University called Otto about enrolling in their online psychology program. Otto, concerned about possibly catching Coronavirus over the phone, asked the rep a few times if she was wearing a mask while talking to him. Upon being asked, the tried to end the call, but Clovis was persistent. The rep glossed over his question about the mask and pushed through with her pitch. When the rep mentioned that they were on a recorded line, Otto wanted to know why they were recording him. The rep said it was for training purposes, so Otto excitedly said he was ready to get trained. The rep again tried to end the call. Otto managed to steer the conversation back from the edge and the rep said she was going to transfer Otto to an enrollment counselor, which Otto misheard as "smelly aroma counselor". Otto wondered aloud why he would need such a thing, as he smelled just fine. The rep then ended the call.

Monday, May 18, 2020

MAGA-Mart Grand Re-Opening

The pandemic stay-at-home order has affected many small businesses throughout the country, and MAGA-Mart is no different. Clovis was unable to get a PPP small business loan, so, he decided that he needed to open up his shop in order to keep his business afloat. The way Clovis sees it, those COVID-19 death statistics are way over-reported, and his livelihood and First Amendment rights are under a more immediate threat than the doom and gloom portended from some faceless virus. So, as of this morning, MAGA-Mart is open for business again.

In order to celebrate the Grand Re-Opening of MAGA-Mart, and to showcase some of the new things he has to offer, Clovis put together this radio commercial:

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Credit Card Scammer's Tirade

Diksmash got a call from a credit card scammer who wanted to help him lower his interest rate on his credit card. Being a very old man, Diksmash informed the scammer that he is afraid of catching the COVID-19 virus over the phone, so he insisted that the scammer wear a mask. The scammer pushed past the request and asked Diksmash for his credit card information. At one point, the background noise in the scammer's call center got too loud, and Diksmash informed him that he could not hear him. The scammer talked louder, which hurt Diksmash's ears. Diksmash asked the scammer if he still had a mask on, which the scammer ignored. The scammer instead went on an expletive-laden tirade which lasted about 30 seconds while Diksmash responded with incredulity.

Monday, May 11, 2020

Italian-Style Chicken & Couscous

Chicken is always a safe bet when it comes to choosing a Blue Apron meal. So, when I chose Italian-Style Chicken & Couscous with Carrots, Currants & Kale for a Blue Apron meal, I was feeling pretty confident that I could cook it while attending a virtual happy hour with my beer group. With my brand new Pioneer Woman knife set and cutting board ready to go (don't judge) I delved into this kit while assuring my beer group buddies that I'm secure enough in my masculinity to appreciate the prettiness and craftsmanship of my kitchen utensils. The Blue Apron description of the meal sounded a little underwhelming: This wholesome dish is brimming with bright, earthy Italian flavors thanks to the blend of classic herbs (like rosemary, sage, and oregano) that coats our seared chicken, and the fragrant basil pesto we’re stirring into fluffy couscous. This is basically just yet another variation of breaded chicken offered by Blue Apron, so I've got a fair amount of experience making this. I'm not sure why my couscous turned out so green relative to the "Expectation" picture, as the directions said to pour in the pesto, which I took to mean "all of the pesto". I cut the kale a bit small compared to the "Expectation" but that was not an issue. 

Overall, it tasted good, and I liked the couscous despite it looking too green. The carrots, currants and kale was better than I had expected. The chicken, of course, was a safe bet and I really enjoyed it.  
Expectation


Reality


Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Credit Card Scammer Admits She Is Rude

I got a call from a Credit Card Scammer who launched into the typical "lower your rates" scam pitch. I tried to sound a little mentally enfeebled and I had her on the hook well enough that she asked me about my cards and how much money I owed. I made the mistake of saying that I had them all maxed out and when she said she couldn't help me, I had to backtrack. She explained that I had to be in good standing, and I responded that I could stand up just fine, and that I didn't need a cane yet. She laughed. I asked why she was laughing. She said she was just acting like she was laughing. I told her she wasn't nice and she admitted that she was being rude. I asked for an apology and she gave one and then I asked to get my lower rate. She asked for my Visa card information and when I gave her the card number, I ended up giving her a 1-800 number. After toying with her a little more, she got fed up, said "I don't want to work with you" and hung up.

Monday, May 4, 2020

Crispy Chicken Katsu & Soy Mayo

The Illinois "Shelter At Home" order has given me many opportunities to up my cooking game. I've tried a number interesting recipes, some more successfully than others (we will not speak of the "Beer Can Chicken Incident"). Sometimes, it's nice to try out a recipe that you know is going to be both tasty and easy, so, I looked to Blue Apron for some inspiration.

I chose Crispy Chicken Katsu & Soy Mayo with Shrimp & Vegetable Udon as one of my kits and was pretty excited to try it. I had high expectations, since Blue Apron listed it as a "Premium" offering, and, as such, I had to pay an extra $18 for the kit. The meal was easy enough to make, though I may have slightly overcooked the chicken.

Coming in at 1,250 calories per serving, I was a little hesitant to completely dive into this. Indeed, the portion size of the shrimp and vegetable udon was huge, so I split the meal into three servings instead of two and shared the other two servings with my girlfriend and my daughter (hence the weird cut of chicken in my photo). But, it tastes good and everyone enjoyed it enough to make me want to try my hand at this dish outside of Blue Apron.

Expectation

Reality