Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Telemarketer Tells Me I'm Going To Hell

It was another one of those "Lower your debt" credit card scams. I asked him if he was going to forgive my debt. When he confirmed, I sent out some Hallelujas and praises to Jesus. The rep actually thought it was funny and started laughing after telling me to Eff-off.

When I asked what I had to do in order to receive this blessing, the rep hesitated. I told him to read his script and asked him what his script told him to say. He replied that his script told me that I'm going to Hell for taking Jesus' name in vain. I told the rep I'd see him there.

What came next was a flurry of expletives and a convoluted explanation of why I'm going to Hell. He also admitted that he's a scammer, but said he wouldn't be going to Hell because he would ask for forgiveness.

Monday, June 17, 2019

Yankees At White Sox 6/16/2019

A sellout crowd isn't something you often see at White Sox park these days, but we had one yesterday for the fourth game in the series against the Yankees. On the plus side, the Yankees always bring in a big crowd. On the minus side, the Yankees also bring along Yankees fans.

The weather wasn't great, but we had good seats with a bird's-eye view of home plate. Plus, it was polo shirt night in honor of Father's Day.

Even though the White Sox fell to the Yankees 10-3, there were still a few great Sox moments to savor, especially Jose Abreu's solo homer in the bottom of the first, Cameron Maybin getting nailed trying to steal second base and James McCann knocking a beautiful homer out to left center.

White Sox pitcher Odrisamer Despaigne, who gave up 9 hits during his tenure during the game was credited with the loss. And, after yet another terrible performance, I have to wonder why they keep giving him the ball.


Wednesday, June 12, 2019

The Fonz Wants To Help Me Lower My Debt

A rep named Alfonzo called Clovis to help him lower his debt. Clovis was thrilled at the name, as it reminded him of "The Fonz" from Happy Days. Clovis immediately lept into the second iteration of the Happy Days theme song.

When The Fonz asked Clovis what his interest rate is, Clovis responded that he was 100% interested in what The Fonz has to say. Clovis then asked what Mork from Ork was really like. Remembering the original Happy Days theme song, Clovis lamented the fact that he can no longer rock around the clock. When asked what his home was worth, Clovis started talking about old Chuck Cunningham who disappeared after the first season. Clovis advanced the theory that Howard killed him since Howard owned a hardware store and had Al help him.


Monday, June 10, 2019

McDonald's International Favorites Menu Pays Off

McDonald's ran a very quiet promotion last week. Last Thursday, between the hours of 2 and 5, any customer who brought in a piece of foreign currency would get a free item off of their new "Worldwide Favorites" menu. The menu includes the Stroopwafel McFlurry from The Netherlands, the Grand McExtreme Bacon Burger from Spain, the Tomato Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich from Canada and Cheesy Bacon Fries from Australia. Personally, I was excited to try the Tomato Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich, so, at about 4:55pm, I popped into my local McDonald's and exchanged a Canadian nickel for one. As I turned to leave, I asked the manager what he planned to do with all of the foreign currency the collected for the promotion. The manager had no idea, as corporate had only alerted them to the promotion that morning. I asked if I could have the coins, as I am a fairly avid coin collector. The manager gladly handed them over.

Among the haul of Mexican pesos and Canadian coins were three interesting finds: A Ben Franklin half dollar, a One Shilling coin from the UK and an Australian Florin. First and foremost, the coins are interesting because they are made of silver which makes them worth much more than their face value. Conservatively, each coin is worth at least $10 which is more than the cost of any item on the McDonald's Worldwide Favorites menu. The One Shilling coin is in good enough shape and is potentially worth enough money that I am considering getting it professionally graded. With an issue date of 1865, it also qualifies as the oldest coin I have ever found in the wild, replacing an 1890 Indian Head penny that I found about a year ago.

As for the Tomato Mozzarella Chicken Sandwich itself, it tasted pretty damn good, though my elation was almost certainly influenced by the awesome coin find that accompanied the sandwich. In short: I'm Lovin' It!

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

ComEd Energy Scammer Needs To Come Home

A guy calling himself Edward from Switch Energy called looking to get ComEd customers to change their energy provider. I told Edward to talk to my dad, Victor. Victor took the phone and immediately apologized for soiling himself, asking if Edward would send someone to clean him up. Edward asked where Victor's son was.

"You're my son?", Victor responded. He then told Edward that he needs to come home or he'll get his ass kicked.

"Oh, my God!", Edward exclaimed before trying to end the call.


Monday, June 3, 2019

Colon Plow Hot Sauce

I was out shopping for cooking supplies this weekend in order to find spices to help me make an attempt to perfect my fried chicken recipe. While taking pictures of unusual food to taunt my daughter with, such as Smoked Pickled Eggs and Hamburger-In-A-Can, I stumbled upon an unfortunately named hot sauce named Colon Plow.

Colon Plow is made by Goss Hot Sauce out of Central Illinois and can be purchased either online or at Rural King and other stores throughout the state. Goss Hot Sauce is the creation of Randy Goss who makes hot sauces and an award winning BBQ sauce.

The image that the name Colon Plow evokes isn't the kind that lends itself to thinking of delicious, spicy food, yet I thought that the title still merited a purchase. It's an unusual hot sauce in that it's chunky and seems more like a salsa than a hot sauce. So, I decided to try it with my regionally-famous chicken nachos. I had expected Colon Plow to have an overpowering heat that was hot just for hot's sake. Instead, I found a sweet and tangy sauce with a nice kick to it. The kick is enough that, if you aren't a huge fan of spicy food, you're not going to like this stuff at all. It's probably overpowering for those who prefer mild sauces, but Colon Plow is tasty enough that I hope that Goss Hot Sauce comes out with a mild version. Maybe they can call it "Skid Marks".