Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Another SEO Scammer Calls Me

I had been getting a number of e-mails from various tech companies wanting to help me improve my website ranking. One in particular got my attention because the language behind it was only slightly off kilter, like speaking to a European who had only been in the United States for a few weeks and hadn't quite gotten hip to the nuances of American English. 

The one line that struck me right away was "There is some lacuna in your website which needs to be improved so that your website becomes visible on top of the Search Engines and eventually help you get more traffic and more business". The author uses the word "lacuna" to indicate "gap" and it's not a word you'll hear commonly used in the United States. I'm only aware of it because it's used to indicate a period of silence within a piece of music. The author of the e-mail used it incorrectly, as lacuna is the singular form and lacunae is the plural, a fact I learned from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. In the third episode of Season 7, "Interface", we see Commander Data staring at a blank screen when in fact, he what he is viewing is a lacuna within an alien poem. The ancient Doosodarians were known for their poetry that contained lacunae which sometimes measured several days in length. During this pause, the poet and audience are encouraged to acknowledge the "emptiness" of the experience. The Doosodarians believed that while the poem may be blank, the emptiness itself had a poetic meaning, so it could not be considered "nothing" as such.

After some back and forth over e-mail, I finally got a rep from the company to call. As suspected, the caller had a noticeable foreign accent. Clovis answered and passed the phone to Diksmash. After hearing the pitch, Diksmash successfully negotiated a deal with the sales rep where the rep would issue a bill for $1,000, of which Diksmash would keep $500 and kick $500 to the company. Clovis interrupted the call, said he'd been listening the entire time and was going to call the police. The conversation was turned over to a manager who attempted to do some damage control. Clovis kept talking over him, asking him for his company's address. The manager kept refusing, trying to refer Clovis to a doctored up website instead. Clovis responded by singing his ABCs which really seemed to set the manager off. Just before hanging up, the manager exclaims: "go call the police. I don't give a damn. Bye bye".


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