Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Federal Grant Money Scammers Call Me

You'd think that, if a bunch of scammers wanted to appear as if they were from the United States government, they'd try to use callers without thick accents. I got a call yesterday from someone claiming to be from the U.S. Government Grants Department. She couldn't even pronounce "grants" correctly and said that her name was "Vixie". As she muddled through reading her script, she indicated that I had been selected to receive $7,000 in grant money which I would never have to pay back. Had the call continued, I'm sure she would have asked for my checking account information to supposedly deposit the money. But, the call didn't last that long. She hung up as soon as I started to question her credentials.

These boiler-room scammers have been pretty prevalent lately, so much so that the Federal Trade Commission has issued an alert about people running the Government Grant Scam. It's an interesting read with a number of great tips on how to protect yourself.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Star Wars Actor Arrested After Chase

You've got to feel bad for Jake Lloyd. At ten years old he gets the dream role of young Anakin Skywalker (Darth Vader) in the first Star Wars movie in over a decade only to get cited as one of the primary reasons why the movie sucked. The backlash was so bad that he actually retired from acting and destroyed all of his memorabilia. All the hate he gets for supposedly "ruining" Star Wars: The Phantom Menace is undeserved. This was a movie that was so bad that it even made Liam Neeson look like a terrible actor. While some of the actors were able to rise above George Lucas' terrible writing and dialogue, it's a feat that a child actor couldn't hope to achieve.

Jake Lloyd was thrust into the spotlight again recently after leading cops in Charleston, South Carolina on a high speed chase. Lloyd had been involved in a minor traffic incident, and possibly fearing arrest for driving without a license, decided to make a break for it. Lloyd weaved around cars and even used the median to pass them as his speed reached in excess of 117 mph. One has to wonder if Lloyd squealed "Now THIS is podracing!"or possibly "It's Turbo Time!!" during the chase.

The chase ended when Lloyd lost control, spun out ("I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!") and crashed his vehicle into some trees. Jake Lloyd was charged with reckless driving, failure to stop, resisting arrest and driving without a license. Toxicology came back negative except for a high midichlorian count.

Monday, June 15, 2015

How To Unlock Gifty On Crossy Road

After playing Crossy Road ad nauseum for the past few weeks, I've unlocked nearly all of the characters, including most of the hidden mystery characters that aren't available in the gacha prize machine. Today, we're going to talk about one of my favorite mystery characters: Gifty.

Gifty is essentially a chicken wrapped as a Christmas gift with its feet hanging out of the box. To unlock Gifty, you'll have to play as Festive Chicken. After about 70 hops, you'll run into a clearing with a giant Christmas tree in the middle. Run up to the tree and it will explode with presents and coins. Then, once your run is over, Gifty will unlock.

I've made a video below demonstrating how to unlock Gifty in Crossy Road:

Monday, June 8, 2015

Wash Me

We spent the weekend downtown to take in dinner and show and to celebrate our anniversary. The hotel we stayed in offers spaces as a public parking garage, and, apparently, they have long-term passes. This is evidenced by the car I passed in the garage that had a lot of interesting writing on it.

Thursday, June 4, 2015 Calls Me

Somehow, my info got posted to and a rep called me (using the number (240) 345-4134) to inform me that I had been entered into a drawing. I kept her on the phone for nearly 10 minutes. Here are some of the highlights:

1:15 - I ask if the "drawing" might be of a knight riding on a dinosaur that's eating a unicorn. The rep laughs and I pretend to cry over her making fun of me.

2:40 - The rep says the drawing will be held on the 15th. I ask how many people will be holding the drawing and if the drawing would be big enough for six people to hold.

3:13 - I ask who will be drawing the picture for me and outline the type of artist and the medium. "Crayola! None of that ColorMagix crap that you get at the Dollar Tree".

4:20 - The rep asks if I'm married and I tell her that she's not my type. I also tell her that our one year anniversary is coming up and that I want the picture of the knight riding on the dinosaur eating a unicorn for an anniversary present.

6:18 - I tell the rep that I live on "125 F.U.C.K. O.F.F. Boulevard". She doesn't get it.

7:13 - I'm starting to get bored, so I belch and make a fart noise. She's unfazed.

8:05 - She tries out an obviously scripted joke: "If you're a big winner, would you mind sending me a bottle of champagne so we can celebrate together?". I pretend to take major offense at this and accuse her of  trying to undermine my marriage and mooch off of my winnings.

Monday, June 1, 2015

I Pray To The Telemarketing Gods

A lady pimping insurance quotes called me recently and immediately asked me if she could transfer me to a licensed agent. I found it strange that the call would be structured like that. It's probably set up that way to circumvent certain telemarketing laws. It didn't take much of me rattling on about the NSA and security procedures for the rep to transfer me to her supervisor. Upon getting transferred, I expressed my displeasure with the rep and asked that we pray together in order to save her soul.