I was putting the finishing touches on kiddo's new bedroom this weekend and decided to visit the local Home Depot in order to pick out some new faceplates for the room's electrical fixtures. While browsing through them, I felt something crash into my thigh, making me drop the faceplates. Was it a midget? A giant duck? A dwarf horse? A giant midget dwarf duck-horse? No. It was a dog. A big, slobbery, dog who was acting as if he either wanted to play fetch with me or devour my forearm as if it were a Pupperoni.
Having been attacked by dogs on several occasions and having been sent to the hospital in the majority of those cases, I'm very mistrustful of dogs that are too large for me to punt across the room. I looked over at the dog's owner who was holding his leash taut and asked her to restrain the animal.
"He just want to play!" she said. I had heard that story many times before. It usually ends with me getting stitched up in the emergency room.
"Well, I don't want to play", I said, "and Home Depot is no place for a dog".
"I can't leave him in the car. Besides, Home Depot is dog friendly.", she insisted. And her statement about Home Depot being dog friendly was tacitly confirmed by the nods of two employees who had come over to observe the altercation.
I realize that chocolate labs are good dogs and, if you want an affectionate, dumb, easy going dog, chocolate labs are the best. Still, I don't want to be slobbered on by a strange dog in a home improvement store. Just because Home Depot is dog friendly doesn't mean I have to be dog friendly simply because I'm shopping there.
I backed away from the dog and retrieved the dropped faceplates. As I moved to leave the aisle, I noticed the dog had taken a sizable crap on the floor. "Clean up in Aisle 3", I said to the two employees there. The dog owner gasped in shock and ran out of the store with her dog without even offering to clean up the mess.