Monday, April 29, 2013

Some Truck Driver Really Loves Little Caesar's

After work on Friday, I stopped at the local Little Caesar's hoping to try their new deep dish pizza. I was hoping that it would taste just like old school Little Caesar's, so I was anxious to get in line and put in my order.

There was a pretty good sized line waiting when I got in there, mostly filled with college kids who were trying to get something to soak up the beer that was was still floating in their stomachs from 4 O'clock club. I waited patiently and soon I was third in line. As the latest customer was paying for his order, a redneck type burst through the doors.

"I'm going to go ahead and cut in front of you two" he said to both me and the guy in front of me

"Okay," I said, recognizing by the guy's demeanor that he was in a hurry. "But you're going to have to pay for our orders too".  

"I can't do that. I only have $5.50"

"Then, I guess you're going to the end of the line."

"No, you don't understand. I'm illegally parked. The cops don't like it when I park like that."

I figured that he meant that he had parked in a handicapped spot, so I looked out to the parking lot. Seeing no cars in he handicapped spot, I gave the line-jumper a quizzical look

"That's my semi out there across the street".

The guy had apparently seen the Little Caesar's, parked his semi in the middle of the busy street and ran across three lanes of traffic to get himself a pizza. For a moment, I thought that I should yield my spot in line in recognition of his rabid Little Caesar's fanhood and in the interest of traffic safety. But, no, I was resolute.

"I really wish I could help you, but it's illegal to aide and abet illegal parking in this city", I said.

"True story!", said the guy in front of me as he stepped up to the counter to  put in his order.

The truck driver reluctantly got in line behind me and started hopping around as if he had to take a massive piss. I stepped up to order my Little Caesar's deep dish pepperoni and was told that it was already Hot and Ready.

As I was getting a two-liter of soda out of the fridge, the truck driver stepped up to order. He asked for a Hot and Ready sausage pizza. The clerk told him that Little Caesar's only has pepperoni Hot and Ready. The truck driver said he'd settle for a pepperoni then. He was told that the person who just left had gotten the last one and that they'd have another up in 5 to 10 minutes.

The truck driver screamed out some intelligible set of curses, turned and bolted out of the store to his truck.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

TommyMac The Genius

People from around the globe are celebrating my genius. It all began in a humble photography shop where some old dude saw a picture of me in my Iron Man arc reactor shirt. From there, the photo went viral and people everywhere are curing their Beiber-fever with a healthy dose of TommyMac.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Jelly Bean Comes To The Droid Bionic

It seems that every time I'm ready to get rid of my Droid Bionic and replace it with something else, Verizon gives it a major update and I feel like I've got a brand new phone. Late last week, Verizon started sending out an OTA update for Droid Bionic users that upgraded their Android OS to 4.1.2 which is a flavor of Android called Jelly Bean. So, for those of us who were using Ice Cream Sandwich (4.0) with the Bionic, what's the difference? Well, aside from some aesthetic differences (new display fonts, face recognition animation etc) there are a few things under the hood that will make you glad you decided to allow the update

Jelly Bean vs Ice Cream Sandwich

  • By most accounts, Jelly Bean runs much faster on the Bionic than Ice Cream Sandwich does due to a number of performance improvements. 
  • Jelly Bean comes with an updated version of Google Now which includes the use of informative cards that are designed to help you manage your daily life. A voice will now respond to certain queries. It still won't call you "Rock God" if you ask it to, though. 

This latest update for the Droid Bionic has convinced me to keep the phone for another few months. We'll see how I feel about the Bionic at the end of the Summer. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Scrapping The Old Shed

When I purchased my house several years ago, the backyard hosted a medium sized wooden shed and a smaller sheet-metal lawnmower shed. The wooden shed was close to falling apart partially due to the previous owners using it as a means to dump about four years worth of garbage.  It had also served as a shelter and breeding area for many of the neighborhood's stray cats. Not six months after I had moved in to my house, I cleared out the shed, took it apart and had everything hauled off.

I never did bother with the lawnmower shed because I couldn't find anyone who would be willing to take the whole thing. It was a pretty small shed to begin with, so I figured it wouldn't be worth the effort to pull it apart and get rid of it. So, there it sat, haunting my yard. Last year, it was finally engulfed by the overgrowth of the yard belonging to my neighbor behind me. Last week, I had enough and hacked my way through the overgrowth to get at the shed. I spent this past weekend tearing the shed apart into manageable pieces.

How Do You Get Rid Of Scrap Metal?

I have no idea exactly what the shed is made of or how much it would be worth to a scrapper. It's rusted over really bad and is caked in plant matter, so I have to wonder whether or not its even worth the gas money to haul to my local scrapper. I recall a few years back when I was switching out some broken windows from my metallic screen door, I had laid the window panes against my house for about three hours and came home to find a scrapper kicking the glass out in an attempt to claim the panes. I chased him off because I wasn't done with them, but, it left me with the impression that there are folks in my area who are willing to pick through what I've got.

So, for now, I've put it in the front yard, inviting local scrappers to take it. If no roving scapper takes it off my hands within the next week, I'll call someone to haul it off.

Let's Hope This Pile Attracts Scappers Rather Than Lightning Strikes

Monday, April 1, 2013

Dogs In Home Depot?

I was putting the finishing touches on kiddo's new bedroom this weekend and decided to visit the local Home Depot in order to pick out some new faceplates for the room's electrical fixtures. While browsing through them, I felt something crash into my thigh, making me drop the faceplates. Was it a midget? A giant duck? A dwarf horse? A giant midget dwarf duck-horse? No. It was a dog. A big, slobbery, dog who was acting as if he either wanted to play fetch with me or devour my forearm as if it were a Pupperoni.

Having been attacked by dogs on several occasions and having been sent to the hospital in the majority of those cases, I'm very mistrustful of dogs that are too large for me to punt across the room. I looked over at the dog's owner who was holding his leash taut and asked her to restrain the animal.

"He just want to play!" she said. I had heard that story many times before. It usually ends with me getting stitched up in the emergency room.

"Well, I don't want to play", I said, "and Home Depot is no place for a dog".

"I can't leave him in the car. Besides, Home Depot is dog friendly.", she insisted. And her statement about Home Depot being dog friendly was tacitly confirmed by the nods of two employees who had come over to observe the altercation.

I realize that chocolate labs are good dogs and, if you want an affectionate, dumb, easy going dog, chocolate labs are the best. Still, I don't want to be slobbered on by a strange dog in a home improvement store. Just because Home Depot is dog friendly doesn't mean I have to be dog friendly simply because I'm shopping there.

I backed away from the dog and retrieved the dropped faceplates. As I moved to leave the aisle, I noticed the dog had taken a sizable crap on the floor. "Clean up in Aisle 3", I said to the two employees there. The dog owner gasped in shock and ran out of the store with her dog without even offering to clean up the mess.