Thursday, March 22, 2012

Bored At The Doctor's Office

March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month which is meant to educate people on the importance of getting screened. A good friend of mine from high school is a Colorectal Cancer survivor, and I've been participating in a number of activities this month in order to show my support for her and my express my happiness that she kicked Cancer's ass. Really, the best way for me to show my support is to go and get screened, so, after much hesitation, I made an appointment and went.

After being told by the nurse to put on the standard gown, I was kept waiting in the exam room for a really long time. I was in there long enough to read through every magazine in the room, send a few emails from my phone and read a number of articles from my favorite news aggregation site. When severe boredom soon set in, I began searching for other things to do to occupy my time.

There was a scale in the corner, so I decided weigh myself. After that brief distraction, I began to wonder what other items in the office weighed and decided to just start weighing stuff. I began with my shoes, then my clothes and soon moved on to weighing the stack of magazines and the little roller stool that the doctor normally sits on. I had just about run out of stuff to weigh when I came to the conclusion that I simply had to know how much the chair I had been sitting on weighed. I tried to weigh it, but I could not find a stable position for it on the scale. No problem. I figured that, knowing my own weight, if I were to stand on the scale while holding the chair, I could take that weight and subtract my own weight from it, thus giving me the answer.

Manipulating the scale sliders while holding a heavy waiting room chair proved to be challenging. It took some stretching, but I was soon able to get a decent reading. I quickly did the math in my head and deduced the weight of the chair. "YES!" I exclaimed, satisfied that I had done a fine job solving the problem. It was at this exact moment that my doctor and his resident opened the door to enter the room. They stood there dumbfounded as I looked back at them wearing nothing but a hospital gown and socks standing on the scale holding a chair with my ass hanging out.

"The chair weighs twenty-seven pounds", I said without any hint of shame.

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