Sunday, August 1, 2010

Attack Of The Carpenter Ants

I feel like I've been Fate's whipping bitch this weekend.

I got a flat tire earlier this weekend and had to pull to the side on a country road. In the shadows of several cornfields, my poor car waited patiently for me to change the tire. Jacking the car up proved to be challenging because the side of the road wasn't much more than a collection of rocks and dirt. My first attempt at getting the car jacked up ended in spectacular failure as the jack slid out from under the car.

Undaunted, I cleared several of the small rocks away for another attempt. As I went about the task of jacking the car up, I started to feel an itching sensation all over my back and on my arms. I looked down to discover hundreds of carpenter ants crawling all over me. I had inadvertently disturbed an ant hill and the occupants were not pleased. I was being attacked mercilessly, yet I continued on with the car. It was a cool, breezy day yet I had broken out into an obvious sweat by the time I was ready to pull the lug nuts off of the tire. My back was itching terribly and I soon discovered that I had ants in my pants. I resisted the urge to dance all the way to France.

By the time I replaced the tire, several of the ants had found their way into Ass-crack Valley. Once I had lowered the car back onto the ground, some ants found their way to the Cumberland Gap. Several minutes after returning to civilization, I hobbled over to a chair and had a seat. About a dozen ants fell out of my pants legs. A cursory examination of my arms revealed quite a bit of skin irritation due to the bites, especially on my back. But, I survived, prevailed and flipped the bird at the smug face of fate, reminding it that I'm twice as good as it thinks I am and ten times as handsome.

1 comment:

  1. oh my gosh! Laughing at your expense. I"m sorry.