Tuesday, June 22, 2010

In Praise Of Board Shorts.

There are a few things I was convinced that I would never do. I was sure that I would never find Seth Rogan or Jack Black funny. I was certain that I would never replicate my Uncle Max's recipe for sheep stomach soup and I swore to every conceivable deity I could think of that I would never ever wear a pair of shorts again. This was mostly due to me suffering a sunburn on my legs back in 2001 that was so bad that I couldn't take a piss without my entire lower body erupting in excruciating pain. I suspect that Jenny Peterson calling me "chicken legs" back in high school gym class may have also had a major factor in my decision. Whatever the reason, my refusal to wear shorts has often caused me a lot of discomfort on especially hot days. I often said to myself that I was always willing to compromise comfort for style. After all, I look quite studly in a pair of jean, don't I? Don't answer that.

I started to notice the trend changing away from breezy short shorts late last year. Not being able to handle the Las Vegas heat during the War on Sobriety, my brother ChrisMac and I took to the Luxor pool and I brought my swimsuit with. It was the same swimsuit I had been wearing since the major sunburn incident in 2001. Soon after I dropped my towel to reveal my legs in their pasty white glory, ChrisMac asked why my shorts were so short. Looking around, I could tell that I was woefully out of style. The fashion tides had changed and board shorts were in. Why had nobody informed me? How did I miss the memo? Perhaps it got routed to my SPAM folder along with those forwards from my mother and all my pressing correspondence with that nice Nigerian Prince who promised to share some of his fortune with me.

So, with this Summer already heating up to the point where geriatrics start getting daily health check visits, I decided to head down to the local super-store to buy a new swimsuit and my first pair of shorts since the Clinton administration. I have to say that I like the fact that board shorts tend to be knee-length. This will minimize the potential impact of sunburns should I neglect to put sunscreen on for the billionth time.

In short, I'm not usually one to be a slave to fashion, but I'm pretty happy to take part in this trend. I might even go out and buy a pair of sandals.

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