Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney Buys Marvel. 'Nuff Said

The corporate hive mind entity known as Disney is preparing to assimilate yet another entertainment company. Disney announced Monday today that it has agreed to purchase comic book and action hero company Marvel Entertainment for about $4 billion. Nerds everywhere gasped a collective sigh of exasperation so great, that the course of Hurricane Jimena was altered.

Personally, I'm not all that worried. All the licensing deals currently in place will remain in place for the duration of their scheduled terms, which means that Universal Studios' Superhero Island will remain intact for now and the movie deals involving Sony/Spider-Man and Fox/X-Men will also be unaffected for now. With regards to Marvel's comic universe, Marvel has been destroying that from the inside out since the 1990's, so it can't get much worse.

We will, however, be able to look forward to some exciting new storylines:
  • An epic battle between The Mighty Avengers and Scrooge McDuck
  • The untold tale of how Spider-Man met the Little Mermaid
  • Goofy replaces The Thing on the Fantastic Four
  • Mickey Mouse battles Galactus while the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance
  • Wolverine will now pop claws that are made of nerf foam and tickle his opponents into submission
  • In 8 months, Mephisto will appear and alter everyone's memory of the sale so that nobody remembers that Disney bought Marvel and Hannah Montana's secret identity will be restored.

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