William Shakespeare is widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language and the world's pre-eminent dramatist. Suspiciously, very little is known about the man before 1585, when he appeared in London and founded the Lord Chamberlain's Men acting troupe. Shakespeare's works have greatly influenced subsequent theater and literature, through their innovative use of plot, language, and genre. Shakespeare is perhaps best known for expressing the wide range of the human experience. He created complete human beings at a time when characters in many plays were either flat, or merely archetypes. Thus characters such as Macbeth and Shylock could commit despicable acts, yet still command the audience's sympathy because they were flawed human beings, rather than one dimensional monsters. How did a man, supposedly from 16th Century accomplish all that? Because he wasn't from the 16th Century at all.
I have it on good authority that the man we know as William Shakespeare was really a cyborg from the 23rd Century sent back in time to shore up the pillars of Western Civilization in order to hasten the creation of the McRib sandwich. Now, you might think that the McRib is just a few chunks of meat formed together to look like a slab of boneless ribs. Personally, I always thought the damn thing was just made out of Elmer's Glue and MSG. However, the shocking truth is that McDonald's has pioneered the technology to de-calcify bone into an edible substance, thus giving the McRib its signature addictive taste. Had it not been for this technology, McDonald's would have had to resort to genetically engineering boneless pigs which would have resulted in the eventual extinction of the pig, thus forcing the McRibs of the 23rd Century to be made from boneless cat ribs. And have you ever tasted cat meat? Well, if you've ever eaten at Panda Express, you have. But, that's another conspiracy altogether.
We're through the looking glass here, people, and, the next time you need to know where the McRib is showing up next, or you'd like to follow the McRib tour as it winds its way around every McDonald's in the country, remember to thank our old pal William Shakespeare for making the creation of the McRib possible.