Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Best Crazy Religious Manifesto I Have Ever Read.

One of the things I like about Chicago is its diverse population of religious whack jobs. The following is a manifesto that was handed to me by a lady who smelled like she hadn't showered since Clinton was President.

Dear Friend:

"This is your life." If you love it and cherish the lives of others, I hope God will lead you to have this letter published. I come to you in peace. This letter is not meant to cause panic or harm to a single life, but to save lives and to alert you of the times and what to do about them. "If when he seeth the sword come upon the land, he blow the trumpet and warn the people" (Ezekiel 33-3). We are living in the period of the first resurrection. People who have died are coming back (Revelation 20-5). Many people are dead and impostors are in their places. They look and act just like you and I, but have the wisdom and power of God, almost. Bible days have returned. I have met bible characters as far back as Adam, Abraham, Moses, Job and Zachariah. This is not a religion, only fact.

God the father, Satan, the anti-Christ, demons and aliens from other planets are here on earth with us. These people come to earth through birth, live normal life spans and die like everybody else. Though the aid of make-up and disguises, another person can be made to look eacactly like you. All of thse people except God the father are killing us like life is going out of style. They even marry us to trick us to our death, but we first have to sin. Demon doctors are killing us. Nine tenths of the people diagnosed with cancer and other deadly diseases are perfectly healthy. God permits our death because of our sinful lives.

People are being tricked and pressured by imps directly from hell, and that is the reason for mass suicides. "He cast upon them the fierceness of his anger, wrath and indignation and trouble by sending evil angels among them" (Psalms 78-49). This is the final eternal judgement when Satan will be chained in the bottomless pit a thousand years and people will reign on earth with God and Christ a thousand years in paradise. We are all undergoing our test every day, by the way we conduct our lives and treat our fellow man. Cheating, lying, stealing, robbery, gambling, murder, swearing, smoking, drinking, homosexuality, sexy outside of marriage, oral and rectal sex are wrong. We who are guilty must stop now and as God to forgive us. God said he will forgive any sin if we repent and ask.

Since this is a war between God and Satan, they don't let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. I am the only one who knows these things. You will never imagine the persecution of my children and me in an effort to kill us and keep me quiet. Through guidance from God and his angels, I have kept the world from coming to an end for 27 years. God said the whole world is cursed and that is the reason for fires, floods, hurricanes, droughts and earthquakes. All of thse disasters could be averted with repentance and prayer. In the future, all jails and prisons will be closed and all debts will be canceled.

Until I was 40 years old, I had never seen the inside of a jail or mental institution. But since that time I have been picked up from the street almost like dog catchers would pick up dogs. I have been picked up as many as three times in two weeks and was taken off a train once between Chicago and California and didn't even know where I was. It got so bad that when I left home in the morning I didn't know if I would return or be picked up. I could continue to tell you of the harassments that I have undergone.

For 20 years they tried to pressure me out of the church, but I refused to be driven away. So one Sunday six people including two armed guards threw me out. I have been spat upon in the church, demons would shout to hit me and one stood behind me and chanted, kill yourself! I had gone to all phases of the law for help, but they were paid to ignore me. Even though I was not thinking rationally, I thought, if the time has come when one cannot go to church without being thrown out, it is time to help myself. So I returned and fired some shots. Since I have been allowed to think, there is no justification for my actions. I should have waited for God. He said vengeance is mine. I have humbly asked God to forgive me for my crime, now I am asking the public. I have learned more about God, feel closer to him and love him more. He has lifed me from a world of confusion to order. Wrong things that I have done in the past will never be repeated.

If you have not accepted God as your personal savior, do it now. Repend, be baptized, read the bible every day and pray. Go to the church of your choice. Read and heed the ten commandments. People are going to live by God's laws. Pray that God speeds the process.


  1. The Best Crazy Religious Manifesto I Have Ever Read.

  2. Perhaps you should give her a copy of the Mayan book with the end times predicted for December 21, 2012. On second thought, don't bother. I don't think it gets any better than this piece.

  3. HAHAHHA. I was checking out your blog and look what ad Google put at the top of the page:
    Warts Treatments God Pictures Gential Warts

    One stop shopping for pics of God and gential warts.

  4. ...wow... That is something else...

  5. That was priceless. Thanks for sharing.

  6. You laugh now... ;)